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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Six ways to equip your mind for spiritual warfare

Posted on August 21, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Marriage Booster .

Spiritual warfare — it’s all in your head. How you feel about good days. What you think when you have bad days. Your response to circumstances is a choice. It’s all in your head. You can choose to be a glass half-full or a glass half-empty type of person. You can choose to look at things in the best possible way or find some reason to be grumpy. It’s all in your head. The apostle Paul recognized this simple truth centuries ago:

“I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content — whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.” – Philippians 4:11-12
In today’s post we’ll take a look at what a movie taught me about marriage, six ways to equip your mind for spiritual warfafe, and the importance of trusting God’s path for your marriage and your life.

The movie Inception says that its all in our headsWhat a movie taught me about marriage

Leonardo DiCaprio taught me the importance of mastering your own mind in the blockbuster movie, Inception. In that film, characters embark upon a mental odyssey by experiencing layers of dreams (dreams within dreams) to unlock information and explore new possibilities. Unfortunately, some characters lose a grip on what is real and what is mere fiction. As DiCaprio’s character, Cobb, explains: “Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.” The solution, according to Cobb, is to maintain a totem (a unique object with a particular size, shape, and weight) which keeps you grounded, knowing which world you are in.
 
Are our lives so very different? Don’t we have trouble maintaining our grasp on what is real and what is an illusion? The enemy is cunning and will attempt to distort your view of reality. Paul cautions the church at Corinth:
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – II Corinthians 10:3-5 
Indeed, we must be on guard and “take every thought captive” by testing it’s origin. Is this thought holy or harmful? Is this thought consistent with what I know to be TRUTH? It’s a mental battlefield out there and it’s so very easy to run away with our thoughts.
 

Six ways to equip your mind for spiritual warfare

In our up-coming book, The Phoenix Marriage: God creates beauty out of ashes, I acknowledge the importance of preparing yourself to combat the enemy’s lies against your marriage:
“The renewal of your relationship depends upon your ability to reject the lies of the enemy and hold firm to the truths of your marriage.” – Kyle Gabhart, The Phoenix Marriage p125
In chapter 8, I go on to describe the value of creating reminders or cues to maintain a vigilant grasp on the reality of spiritual warfare. I offer six ways to establish mental reminders:The Phoenix Marriage - God creates beauty out of ashes
  1. Memorize scripture.
  2. Keep scripture and encouraging quotes on note cards and keep them in places you will see them.
  3. Christians have used physical reminders for centuries (prayer beads, prayer bracelets, some even feel comfortable getting tattoos).
  4. Set visual reminders such as pictures of armor or weapons.
  5. Find encouraging songs and listen to them repeatedly.
  6. Engage social media for reminders and tips. Join marriage-building Facebook groups and follow pro-marriage feeds on Twitter.
Victory goes to the prepared. If you are going to withstand the constant onslaught of doubts and fears that will invade your brain, you must feed your mind a steady diet of optimism and biblical wisdom.

Trust your path

Hindsight is not always 20/20. Sometimes as you reflect on past decisions, you start to second-guess yourself. Distanced from the particular circumstances, facts, and emotions you felt at the time, you can begin to question your own judgement. So when you hit a rough season in your marriage, it can be easy to think back and be unable to clearly recall why the two of you got together to begin with. Or you might reflect on other pivotal points in your relationship and lose confidence that it was handled properly or even fairly.
 
To survive the mental quagmire, you have to trust the path that God has walked you down. 
  • Trust God’s ability to bring you the right person, no matter how long ago it was. (Proverbs 18:22, Psalm 103:19, Matthew 10:29)
  • Trust your decision to marry that person. (Proverbs 3:6)
  • Trust that any difficult times the two of you experience are part of God’s refinement of you both through your marriage. (Psalm 66:10-12, James 1:2-5)
  • Trust that God has a plan and a purpose for your marriage. (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11)
EYM_Podcast_FeaturedThumbnailIn this week’s podcast, The Creep and The Cougar, Tammy and I reflect on our own courtship. We note how God brought us together and confirmed his intention for us to be together. When we met years ago, this was crystal clear! It was so obvious how God was moving in our hearts and lives. But as we point out in the podcast, we lost sight of these truths as our relationship stretched from weeks to months to years. In time, it became easy to lose sight of these fundamentals and start to question God’s plan. Holding firm to the path God set you on and trusting in that path and that process is essential. When patience wanes and stress is applied in your relationship, you have to lean on God’s wisdom, not your own.
 

It’s all in your head

As believers and as spouses, we are called into a mental battlefield. Each of us must daily fight to prioritize God and prioritize our spouse. Establish mental cues to remind yourself what is reality and what is fiction. Trust the path that God has set you both on following. Finally, reflect upon how and why God put you both together in the first place. Celebrate that shared history and prepare to battle daily with your thoughts. It’s all in your head and in your mate’s head. Speak life into one another daily and find comfort and peace at the feet of your loving father.
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Tags: marriage tips, power of words, prayer, spiritual warfare .

Podcast Episode #1 – The Creep and The Cougar

Posted on August 19, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Podcast .

We’ve just launched a weekly podcast!

This Week is Episode #1 – The Creep and The Cougar

Tammy and I share stories from our courtship. One of us is the Creep and the other is the Cougar. Any guesses which one is which?


Tune in weekly to our Podcast page so you don’t miss a single episode.

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Tags: communication, intimacy, marriage tips .

How to Save Your Marriage – Part 2

Posted on August 7, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Marriage Renewal .

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. – Judith Viorst

As we shared in Part 1 of the “How to Save your Marriage” series, we recommend a phased approach to marriage renewal. This post explores that first phase.

Phase One – The First Forty Days

Whether you are renewing your marriage to avert an apathetic decline or you are rebuilding after a near-collapse of your relationship, the first phase is critical.

As I explain in Chapter 7 of The Phoenix Marriage:

“The first forty days of your marriage renewal are crucial in changing the atmosphere of your relationship and generating the momentum you need to carry you forward. It won’t be easy. Breaking patterns and habitual ways of thinking and interacting will prove an enormous challenge. We’ve chosen forty days, in part, to help you establish new patterns of behavior. Throughout the Bible, forty days has been shown to be a significant time period. “

During those forty days, you need a clear set of goals and practical actions that you and your spouse can take to put your marriage restoration on a solid footing.

Setting Goals to Save your Marriage

Goals are key to your renewal processLike any endeavor, by establishing and articulating goals it crystalizes your focus and builds a sense of urgency. During your first forty days of renewal, the two of you will want to identify a set of goals to achieve. Some of these goals will be unique to the particular challenges faced in your relationship. Others address more general issues which we found to be common amongst many couples.

Common Goals for Marriage Renewal

  • Break old habits and start new routines
  • Learn to communicate openly and authentically
  • Rebuild your friendship

Of course none of these goals will amount to anything if you don’t put them into action.

Taking Action to Save your Marriage

Take practical actions to renew your marriageIdentifying practical actions to rebuild your relationship is essential. There’s a long list of potential actions the two of you could choose to take, but we identify three common categories here.

(In the book, we describe the set of actions you and your spouse could take in much greater detail.)

  • Action 1: Clean house – A lot of factors contributed to the problems in your relationship. One step you want to take is to clear out any negative influences that are holding you back (alcohol or drugs, prioritizing other relationships, bad communication patterns, toxic relationships, etc.).
  • Action 2: Fresh start – Establish new patterns and routines to change the dynamic of your marriage. The tone and the tempo of your interaction must change. Open communication is a necessity. Prioritizing time together is essential. Grace and love must be the guiding principles of your union. Finally, daily and persistent prayer makes the whole thing work.
  • Action 3: Have fun – Your renewal won’t last if its all about work and sacrifice. You’ve also got to have fun together. Especially during these first forty days you need lots of time together. Time to talk, laugh, play, and recapture the friendship you had when your relationship first began.  

Make it real. Make it practical. And give yourselves some grace and understanding as you work together to walk out your renewal day by day.

What’s Next?

If you want to save your marriage, you have to fully commit to the process. The first forty days are intense and require a tremendous degree of dedication. Through your combined efforts and a dependence on God, you will establish invaluable routines and a firm foundation for your new relationship. The next phase – “Healing and Rebuilding” will involve a greater focus on rebuilding trust and healing the wounds from the past. For now, enjoy the excitement and simplicity of this initial phase of renewal. The journey to restore your marriage has just begun!


The Phoenix Marriage - God creates beauty out of ashesThe content in this post is adapted from our upcoming book (available on Amazon September 2014):

The Phoenix Marriage – Your most important earthly relationship can be restored, renewed, and reborn. God creates beauty out of ashes.

To be among the first to know when the book is released, join our Marriage Booster newsletter.

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Tags: communication, marriage renewal, quality time, second chances .

Practical Marriage Tips #1 and #2

Posted on August 4, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Marriage Booster .

We have just begun the process of converting our marriage tips into videos.  Check it out!

Tip #1 – Ask God to help you see your spouse like Jesus does. (I Samuel 16:7)
 

 
This tip had a profound impact on our marriage when we discovered it early on in our marriage renewal process. It radically alters your perspective when you start thinking of your mate as someone that exists to meet your needs and expectations and start seeing them as a unique and precious child of God.
 
 
Tip #2 – Praise your spouse today for some quality of their heart. Look them in the eyes and encourage them in love.

It’s easy to complement a person based upon their external qualities. It requires a much deeper level of interest and perception to recognize and affirm intrinsic character qualities. Take your praise to the next level.

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Tags: love and respect, marriage tips .

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