Kyle Gabhart

Sticks and Stones

Posted on April 17, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Our Story .

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

What a load of crap. Words do hurt and their impact lasts far longer than the memory of physical pain could ever last. Fortunately, words also have the power to heal. The power of the tongue has been recognized by philosophers and biblical writers for centuries:

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.” – Buddha

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” – James 3:9-10

In fact, the entire first half of James chapter 3 discusses the importance of controlling your tongue. In verses 3-6, the tiny tongue’s impact on the whole body is compared to a bit that directs horses, a rudder that directs ships, and a spark that sets an entire forest on fire.

Words Create and Destroy

Through our words, we have the power to create our reality. With positive words we can build things out of thin air. We can forge employment relationships, friendships, contractual agreements, and motivational speeches. With negative words we have the ability to destroy a bond, shatter a relationship, and unravel someone’s confidence. Creation and destruction, hope and dismay, such is the power of language.

Early in your relationship, while courting your spouse, love was created through the exchange of words. The two of you shared hopes and dreams. Compliments were expressed and rapport was built through story-telling and humor. One of you eventually forged a marriage proposal entirely through words.

But your words haven’t been all positive, have they? Unmet needs, emotional distance, and selfishness creep into the most well-intentioned of hearts. As the frustration and resentment wear on one or both of you, your patience gives way to careless words. Words that cut. Words that tear down. Words that erode the warmth and safety of your bond.

Words Hurt and Heal

Whether from anger, frustration, or just a dark season in our journey, Tammy and I have each exchanged words that hurt. Regrettably, some of the painful words that I have shared with Tammy I was foolish enough to write down. Thus, allowing her to relive the pain of those words and recall them with clarity.

Thankfully, words also have the power to heal and restore. You can literally breathe life into the mind and heart of your mate because your tongue has the power to “speak life” (Proverbs 18:21) .

As a part of our renewal process, I have made it my mission to battle for Tammy’s mind and recapture her heart through loving words. Affirming text messages, sappy greeting cards, encouraging scripture written on note cards, heart-felt song lyrics, love letters, and even poetry have all played a part in the verbal tapestry that I have woven around Tammy’s heart.

Verbal Choices

We constantly talk with our children about the importance of making good choices. Each day, they have the power to effect their life through the decisions that they make. The same holds true in your marriage. No matter what pain has been caused in your relationship, you have the ability to repair it through your words. So choose to build up, choose to love, and choose to speak life into the heart of your spouse.

Wounds Heal Crooked

Posted on April 12, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Our Story .

When I was eight, I got hit by a car while crossing a busy road (back in those days, kids could roam around on their own without supervision). I busted my lip, chipped my tooth, and fractured my ankle. Over a period of six weeks, my body healed itself, but it didn’t heal itself in nice clean lines. My lip has an uneven line of scar tissue where it healed. My chipped tooth remained jagged for most of my childhood. I haven’t gotten a good look at my ankle, but I’m certain that there is residual evidence of the trauma.

When I was fifteen, I got a weight bench for my birthday and set it up in my room. Anyone care to guess what the first thing is that a 15-year-old boy does with a weight bench? That’s right – “Hmm…I wonder how much I can max press?” Combine this curiosity with a general lack of wisdom, and I proceeded to push myself to my absolute limit without a spotter. Next thing I know, 120 pounds landed briefly on my face before adrenaline kicked in and pushed the entire thing up and off to the side. To this day, I still have a jagged scar just under the bridge of my nose.

Wounds heal, but they heal crooked.

In the fall of 2012, my marriage was crumbling. As it fell apart, I treated Tammy with little to no compassion. I was cold and distant. Worse yet, I said and even wrote things that cut to her core and broke her heart. Those words and my actions cannot be undone. But Tammy is gracious and loving and she was willing to give me the opportunity to make it up to her and for us to work as a team to rebuild our relationship. So that’s what we did in earnest throughout all of 2013 and that’s what we continue to do today.

The process of healing deep wounds of the heart is messy. There is no script and no timeline. As the wounds heal, you pass through cycles of hope and doubt, cycles of peace and conflict. There are cycles of anger, cycles of joy, and cycles of heartache. With each happy cycle, we have the opportunity to enjoy each other’s presence and create our new normal. And with each painful cycle, I have the opportunity to delicately cradle her heart in my arms, and mend one of the many cracks or tears that I created with my selfish words and actions.

I don’t know how long the healing process is going to be for us and that doesn’t bother me. I am thrilled that God has blessed me with an amazing wife and that I have a second chance to love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Whatever pain may exist in your marriage, take courage. While nothing that has been done can ever be undone, broken hearts and broken lives can be mended. The process isn’t clean, it isn’t easy, and it isn’t quick. Healing is messy and crooked. It’s takes time, energy, and mountains of patience. But keep pressing on because your marriage can overcome heartache. Your heart can heal. Your soulmate’s heart can heal. Your marriage can heal. Best of all, when you go on that journey of healing together, your bond grows stronger than it ever was before. Scar tissue isn’t pretty, but it is tough. Embrace the crooked journey and love each other like crazy.

God can save ANY marriage

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Kyle Gabhart Posted in Our Story, Testimony .

My wife and I have an incredibly loving and happy relationship. We are truly each other’s soulmates. But our relationship hasn’t always been so cheerful and the future hasn’t always looked so bright.

Our Video Testimonial

from the Thrive Class we took at Northwood Church in 2013:

The Microwave Version

On December 16th, 2012, we sat down at a Starbucks in Keller, TX to divide assets and discuss how to accomplish an amicable divorce. What started out as a 45-minute business meeting, concluded after 3 hours of crying, praying, and hugging. The next day I got down on one knee, gave her a single rose, and asked her if I could have the honor of winning her back over the course of 2013 and perhaps the rest of our lives. The relationship we have now is rich and full of life, but we didn’t get there overnight. The transformation of our marriage required a lot of crying, praying, talking, reading, praying, laughing, journaling, studying, praying, counseling, and even more praying. God is in the business of fresh starts, second chances, and renewals.

Tammy and I had a broken and battered relationship that had crashed and burned to the ground. But like the mythological phoenix, our new marriage emerged from the ashes. God makes beauty out of ashes. He makes marriages out of messes. And He wants to work a miracle in yours.

The Whole Enchilada

Eager to know more about this awesome couple? You can read our full story for more details.

Equip your Marriage

Author Archives: Kyle Gabhart