Academic knowledge has never been an issue for me. I have loads of useless information in my brain and a keen ability to memorize new data. Common sense, on the other hand, has typically alluded me. All too frequently I am the last person to recognize something obvious or come to grips with a fundamental truth. Recently, I have woken up to a critical, life-altering reality – marriage isn’t for me.
I grew up with an idyllic view of marriage. I would meet the woman of my dreams. We would experience a romantic, storybook courtship and fall madly in love with each other. The perfect complement to one another, we would fulfill each other’s every need. Our leisure-time? Exhilarating. Our conversation? Captivating. Our love-making? Epic.
As it turns out, marriage doesn’t really pan out quite like that after all. It’s imperfect, messy, and raw. Consequently, I was left with an immense sense of disappointment. Bewildered, I began to question my wants, needs, and motivations. This led to my recent epiphany. Marriage just isn’t for me! I thought it was, but I was wrong.
Why marriage isn’t for me:
- It isn’t about what I want.
- It isn’t about what I think I need.
- It isn’t about completing me.
- It isn’t about how I feel.
- It isn’t about me at all.
On the contrary, I’ve come to understand that marriage is about being a servant.
What marriage is really about:
- It’s about serving God.
- It’s about serving my wife.
- It’s about our shared mission of serving and blessing others through our partnership.
I should have realized it sooner. It was right there, under my nose, in scripture this whole time:
- Jesus was the epitome of embodied love and he spent his entire life on earth in service to his father, to others around him, and ultimately all humanity through the cross.
- Ephesians 5:21 says that married couples are to “submit to one another.”
- I Corinthians 13:5, among the litany of qualities that characterize love, we find that love is “not self-seeking”.
It’s taken me years to finally understand the purpose of marriage – to love my spouse daily with a servant-heart. But now that I know it, I’m wasting no time in putting my new found knowledge into action.